Gratitude

Introduction

The principle of Ying and Yang is that all things exist as inseparable and contradictory opposites. If this is the balance that exists in the universe, then that would mean that even emotions, such as sadness and depression, would have an inseparable and contradictory opposite. Just like every superhero must face an equal but opposite villain! So, if sadness and depression are our villains, who is their superhero? And how do we
summon them?

The answer to this question is not only simple but is also scientifically backed. The superhero for sadness and depression is gratitude. Gratitude acts like kryptonite for feelings of sadness. When gratitude is active, sadness loses its power and gets weaker and weaker the longer gratitude is around. And the call for gratitude? You don’t need a spotlight for this one … all you need is your mind.

What is it and how does it work?

Gratitude is defined by the Oxford dictionary as the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness [1].

What does this mean exactly? Well, according to PositivePsychology.com, gratitude turns what little you have into abundance and changes your perspective on the world. [2]

Ok. Now it seems like I’m just avoiding answering the question. Let me try to put it in my own words. Gratitude is when you are able to look at any person, thing, or situation, and see the good. For example, it’s raining outside. Instead of being sad that it’s raining, I can be thankful that the garden is getting watered, or that I have a day to finally get all of my indoor chores done without missing out on the nice weather, or that there is drinkable water literally falling from the sky!

The greatest example of gratitude I can think of is the story I heard of Mother Teresa’s perspective as she held a dying man in her arms. As the story goes (at least how I remember it), a young man was involved in a terrible accident and was dying on the street. Mother Teresa went to him, held his head in her lap and stayed with him while he passed. What she shared afterwards of the experience was something along the lines of, “This is the greatest experience of my life. I have been blessed to have been here for someone during the worst time of their life, and was able to help them transition into death peacefully and not alone.”

Now, these are examples of individuals who are well seasoned in the art of gratitude, but anyone can get to this point, it just takes practice. All you need to do is start with a small observation, do this repeatedly, and you will start to change your brain patterns to look for opportunities to recognize gratitude without much extra effort on your part at all. Read a little further on and I’ll share some simple steps that will help you develop this reflex in your brain before you know it.

How does it work – Scientifically I mean

Before we get into the science behind it all, I just want to remind you that the best evidence is the evidence you experience yourself. I would encourage you to try it and be your own judge on the impact this practice has on your mood and mental wellbeing.

Ok, the science… From what I can gather… they don’t really know how it works either. They are able to identify the regions of the brain that become activated and have noted changes in the activity and structure of the brain (in a positive way), but the only thing they know for sure, based on the studies, is that it works and can help people.

One study revealed that those who practice gratitude have more gray matter in their brain (gray matter is the good stuff)[3]. Another study showed that those who wrote about gratitude were more optimistic and felt better about their lives[4]. Other studies even showed that practicing gratitude reduces pain symptoms and improves sleep quality! Experts in the field have noted that gratitude even has the ability to improve social interactions and bonding, enhance self-love and empathy, and lowers stress, anxiety, and depression.

Yet, taking advantage of the benefits of gratitude is not a one and done type of deal. You need to practice gratitude regularly to allow the neural pathways in your brain to rewire themselves. It’s like building a new highway. The construction will take time, but if you work at it, once it is ready, the traffic will redirect itself because this highway gives commuters an enlightened view of the world that is a much nicer way to travel.

My experience

Over the last few years, I have been working on incorporating gratitude into my daily practice as part of my own efforts towards recovery.

Speaking from first hand experience, it really does help to change your perspective on any situation that you’re dealing with, or just life in general. It has lowered my stress levels, increased my stress resiliency, helped me stay positive when faced with challenges, helped me resolve conflict or misunderstanding much quicker, improved my sleep, and improved my relationships. Practicing gratitude has changed my life.

In fact, had it not been for my regular gratitude practice, dealing with my childhood friend’s tragic passing, which no doubt was (is) one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my life, would have been much more difficult. With the heightened perspective I now have on life however, thanks to my gratitude practice, I was able to recognize and be thankful for all the moments Jenn and I had together rather than focusing on the monstrous details of her death. My gratitude for the times we had together triumphed over my sadness and helped me heal from this tragedy with a more manageable scar left on my heart.

How to Build Your Gratitude Practice

Learning to practice gratitude can be easy. Here are a few simple tips to help you getstarted.

Be kind to yourself. At first, finding something to be grateful for will be hard. Don’t beat yourself up about it though. Remember, you haven’t built the highway yet, so your brain activity is going to take a little longer to get there at first. Don’t give yourself a hard time about it. Just keep trying.
Start small. Start with the little things that are automatic in your everyday. For example, if you woke up this morning, just be thankful you woke up. If you took a breath today, be thankful for being able to breath. If you can see, be thankful for sight. If you can hear, be thankful for hearing. You get the point. Start small and build from there.
Use aids. Some people may find having tools to help them remember to practice gratitude to be very helpful. When I started, I used wet erase markers and wrote little gratitude messages on my bathroom mirror, the mirror in my room, and on my glass desk. As I got better at finding my own things to be grateful for, these messages just turned into reminders. In this age of technology and smart watches, you can also setup reminders on your device, or install an app. If you are old-school, you may find keeping a gratitude journal by your bed, or by your coffee maker, to be helpful. Whatever it is, find a tool that works for you that is going to help you get started, and help you stay consistent.
Find your people. It is true what they say… you are only as good as the average of the five people you spend the most time with. If you have a peer group that is generally negative, you may want to work on balancing your group or getting a new peer group altogether. If letting go of your peers is too much to ask, find a new group that you can spend some time with that will help you stay positive, or search out social media posts that will give you daily inspiration and words of gratitude and kindness each day.
Teach others. It is proven that what we teach, we learn. Talk to others about gratitude and how it makes you feel, even if that feeling is “silly” at first. Tell them why you are doing it even if it feels silly right now. I’m sure they want to have a better perspective on life and be happier too. After all, according to the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health[5] and the Canadian Mental Health Association[6], 1 in 5 Canadians experience mental illness. Chances are, they can use some tools to help them too.
Focus on the present moment. Once you have built simple gratitude practices into your routine, extend this practice in your greater realm of awareness by recognizing things to be grateful for in the present moment; the birds chirping, the wind blowing, the sun shining, your ability to feel your body. Learning to be grateful for the right now, no matter what the right now looks like, is where this practice will really take off.
There is no wrong way. If you are practicing gratitude, there is no wrong way to be thankful for what is in your life. Don’t let your mind try to guilt you for doing it wrong. This is just the ego trying to bring you back down to sadness because that is where the ego lives, and it is likely getting lonely. Stay above it and remind yourself that there is no wrong way to be grateful.
Put it out there. Now that you have honed your gratitude practice, put it out there in the world. Tell friends, family, and even strangers how grateful you are for something they have done. You will be surprised how much this changes the energy of their day, which will boost your energy levels as well.
Congratulate yourself. . This might sound silly, but it’s important to congratulate yourself for taking the time to put yourself first. Tap yourself on the back. Give yourself a high five. Do whatever makes you recognize that this was incredible, and your body, mind and soul will be better for it. You gave yourself an incredible gift that now allows you to give your gift to other people, your gift of being your whole you.

Conclusion

Gratitude is the kryptonite for sadness. When gratitude is active, sadness loses its power and gets weaker and weaker the longer gratitude is around. Gratitude practices have been proven to improve social interactions and bonding, enhance self-love and empathy, and lowers stress, anxiety, and depression The more gratitude is practiced, the more you can build neural pathways in your brain that can change your perspective on the world, improving the way you navigate through it.

Make happiness a part of your life by putting out the call to one of your most reliable superheroes, gratitude, and watch sadness and depression scatter away.

“Be thankful for what you have, you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on whatyou don’t have, you will never ever have enough.”
Oprah Winfrey

[1] https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/definition/american_english/gratitude
[2] https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-appreciation/
[3] https://positivepsychology.com/neuroscience-of-gratitude/
[4] https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier
[5] https://www.camh.ca/en/driving-change/the-crisis-is-real/mental-health-statistics
[6] https://cmha.ca/find-info/mental-health/general-info/fast-facts/